‘Tis not to make me jealous
To say my wife is fair, feeds well, loves company,
Is free of speech, sings, plays, and dances.
Where virtue is, these are more virtuous.
Nor from mine own weak merits will I draw
The smallest fear or doubt of her revolt,
For she had eyes and chose me. No, Iago,
I’ll see before I doubt, when I doubt, prove,
and on the proof there is no more but this:
Away at once with love or jealousy!
Excerpt from Othello by William Shakespeare.
Just as Shakespeare wrote to love in the purest and most inspiring way, in Othello, he describes how jealousy can provoke the worst feelings.
Othello Syndrome is a delirium that makes a person believe that their partner is unfaithful. It takes its name from Shakespeare’s play in which Othello murders Desdemona in a fit of jealousy and, in this case, was being influenced by his friend Iago, who always talked to him about his wife’s infidelity.
Those who suffer from this syndrome live under the obsessive conviction that their partner is unfaithful and are suspicious all the time; for example, invading their privacy when they access their PC or check their cell phone, or their social media.
With this behavior, they seek to find evidence of the other’s infidelity and thus justify their obsession and jealousy.
When jealousy dominates people and interferes in their emotional, social and work life, then it becomes a psychiatric disorder.
Psychologist Amparo Calandín assures that the person generates their delirium from irrational data:
“They spend a lot of their time tracking down evidence that can confirm their suspicions about their partner. Any piece of information is good for turning it against the other, twisting it and feeding the fear that they’re being betrayed. This syndrome, whose main core is jealousy, affects both men and women equally”.
As Calandín rightly says, there are ways to identify this syndrome of adaptive jealousy. The main characteristic is the presence of irrational behaviors and delusional or not very or not at all objective thoughts. That is, jealousy is taken to the extreme and in no case, there are real reasons nor logical explanations for feeling this fear or behavioral or emotional affectation.
“This situation alters their daily life and causes them to spend most of their time carrying out controlling behaviors, watching and stalking their partner in search of the definitive proof that corroborates the delusional belief they present”, the psychologist confirms.
Like any pathology, there are very clear symptoms that we will tell you here #sinrecato:
- Mistrust towards their partner, friends and family.
- There is no awareness of the problem and they aren’t capable of self-criticism.
- They show disproportionate emotions in the face of the evidence they have, they may cry, become depressed, show anxiety, physical and verbal aggressiveness or irritability.
- They are not objective or realistic.
- They are not logical when interpreting situations.
- Jealousy does not dissipate despite a real lack of evidence.
- Believes that they are the victim of a conspiracy and feelings of real betrayal of their partner arise.
These irrational thoughts generate the constant need to search (hypervigilance) and detect inadequate behavior patterns of their partner, which lead them to think that any change of habits is due to the supposed infidelity.
The person obsessed with the idea of infidelity begins to present repetitive and frequent patterns to discover the intention of such changes:
- Obsessively monitors their partner’s bank accounts to discover suspicious movements.
- Obsession with their partner’s social media. Checks the photos they upload, the friends they have or accept, monitors likes, etc.
- Imperative need to know what their partner is doing at all times.
- Demands to know every person with whom their partner interacts; co-workers, friends, etc.
These behaviors are intended to show their partner that, if there is proof of their infidelity, what’s frustrating is the fact that this is not showing up and that’s why they live on an emotional roller coaster all the time, which significantly affects their relationship.
These patients have low self-esteem, are insecure, have lived experiences of infidelity in other relationships, are controllers who adopt the role of a dominant person who watches over their partner and anyone they consider to be a competitor. The need for control appears due to fear of abandonment.
According to the specialist, the most complicated thing is the treatment for a patient with this syndrome due to the distrust and the level of irritability. Hence, the advisable thing is the family support that allows them to become aware of their disease.
They usually don’t ask for professional help voluntarily and do so because they want to improve their relationship, in the best of cases, and to dismantle the irrational beliefs they have about their partner’s infidelity.
Psychologists confirm that, in all cases, jealousy is not pathological, since it’s also part of the wide repertoire of emotions that humans have.
Calandín explains that some people are jealous, but they learn to manage it in order to not let themselves be carried away by distrust and insecurity. However, there is a pathological dimension, in which they are suspicious of everyone, friends, co-workers, etc.
If you have a controlling partner, who limits you to the point of telling you “what you can and cannot do”, this is not a man, or a woman, madly in love with you, but rather someone sick who, at any moment, will get out of control and, when you least expect it, can do irreparable damage.
Always ask for help from a professional or a family member or friend; don’t let silence be your accomplice.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
