I want to tell you that there are many reasons why couples are always in conflict. In my opinion, this is because they don’t know how to communicate, they drift apart sexually, and/or they have financial problems. Of course, there are many other reasons and circumstances that each couple experiences personally, but today we will focus on the money factor.
For some couples, financial matters flow naturally. From the start, they make agreements about how to divide expenses and what each person is responsible for, all in accordance with their income. After all, the idea is to balance things out and support each other.
However, some couples experience the other side of the coin, living in mistrust and suspicion of each other because they have expenses behind the other’s back, yet, it’s not really about the expense itself, but rather the fear and lack of communication because they hide information about their finances from each other.
“Although we tend to think of infidelity as an emotional or sexual betrayal, financial infidelity can be equally damaging to a relationship. Integrating finances as a couple means that both partners agree to cooperate and be transparent in managing money, hence acting dishonestly can create a lot of tension”, says clinical psychologist, Elena Jiménez.
Today we will talk about financial infidelity, which, according to experts, is not about spending a significant amount of savings or accumulating debt that cannot be paid off, but rather about hiding information about extra income or many purchases that, even if discovered, are not acknowledged. In this case, it’s the lies that begin to undermine trust in the relationship.
It may also happen that, instead of spending money, your partner saves it in a bank account. This is about having a personal reserve fund, in which the partner isn’t taken into consideration in the future.
“Hiding what you do with your own money from your significant other is also financial infidelity. Especially when you refuse to save money that could be used as a lifeline in the future, this is an attitude that denotes a lack of confidence in the continuity of the relationship”, says Jiménez.
The question is: why hide financial information from your partner? And the answer varies. Some do it because they don’t want to be held accountable for what they do with their money, as they may be hiding, for example, gambling, games, alcohol, etc., and others do it because they feel dissatisfied with the relationship and use spending as a way of punishing their partner.
This situation is more common than it seems, and although some consider it superficial compared to romantic or sexual betrayal, in reality, it also negatively affects the trust in each other.
What is really worrying is that, even if the situation is known, this behavior is repeated, and even when the other party is caught, they don’t care about what their partner thinks. This only generates conflicts that can ultimately lead to a separation or divorce.
The solution seems simple, but it’s not that easy; it’s about communicating openly, without ambiguity or half-truths, it’s about being transparent and restoring the trust of the other person who still loves you and wants to believe in you.
It’s not easy to talk about money, especially with your partner, but don’t let this be the main reason for conflict. You must agree, and to do so, you need to discuss things, but not fight, and certainly not take offense.
Elena Jiménez says that talking about money with your partner is still a taboo subject: “You have to talk openly and honestly about all the important issues that affect your relationship, including money, which is a symbol of power and control, that’s why the dishonest use of it usually masks other deep-rooted problems within the couple”.
No one said that living with a partner is easy, you just have to be empathetic and assertive. After all, this is the person you chose to share sunny and gray days, rights and duties, and, obviously, joint obligations with.
As a reminder, december is a family-oriented, bright, and festive month, but it’s also quite demanding, full of expenses (depending on each budget) and obligations (payment of school and university tuition, etc.).
It’s a time to share with family and friends thanks to the holidays, but you have to be sensible and know that you don’t have to break the bank to make a good impression. So enjoy yourselves, stick to your budget, and remember that often the best plan is to have no plan at all.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
