One of the great challenges of parenting today is talking about sexuality with
teenage children. The subject should be natural and fluid, but the reality is very different from this. According to experts, adolescence is the stage in life that is most associated with crisis situations, instability and indecision.

The big question is: When is the right moment to talk about sexuality to our children? And the answer is; whenever and wherever they have a question, it must be answered according to their age and focusing only on what they are asking you, because you could be giving information that you have not been asked for or that they will not understand.

This I can say as a mother of a teenager, we must be empathetic and
remember that these are very different times. Sex education to this day is still
limited to the reproductive function which is one of its characteristics, but is not the only one, because there are also other elements such as pleasure, eroticism, romantic relationships and interpersonal relationships.

The information on sexuality that they share in schools and universities is mostly related to campaigns on the use of contraceptive methods. When clearly, 90 percent of young people who start their sexual lives do not use
none of these methods and have neither the knowledge, nor the experience or
guidance from their parents or adults.

The love of the parents is the primordial element to accompany in this stage of life. As well as: understanding, interest, communication and trust.

It is important to emphasize that this positive attitude towards the subject is no excuse for parents to lose the perspective of the role they play and pass the thin line between allowing everything and not correcting or educating. Parents are not friends, the purpose to empathize with children from a different relationship figure than being parents can be confusing for them.

According to María Luisa Delgado, in her book ‘Fundamentals of Psychology
for health and social sciences’, explains that adolescence comprises three
stages:

Pre-adolescence ranges from 12 to 14 years old:

Distance from family and prefers to be with friends.
The first conflicts arise when facing the challenge of rules and limits.
Emotional, impulsive responses and mood swings appear.
Need for greater intimacy.
Insecurity about appearance and attractiveness.
Increased interest in sexuality.
Interaction with same-sex peers and attraction to the opposite sex.

Adolescence ranges from 14 to 18 years old:

Constant questioning of adults.
Need for greater autonomy.
More significant friendship relationships.
Constant search for approval with their circle of friends.
Extreme changes in mood.
Development of identity.
Body changes are stabilized, attention is focused on appearance
physics.

Late adolescence from 18 to 20 years old:

Familiar approaches return and conflicts with parents diminish.
Planning their life project, medium and long term goals.
More stable romantic relationships.
Development of identity and establishment of moral, religious and
sexual values.
Full biological maturation and acceptance of body image.

We must be interested in what young people think.

According to Lina Maria Acuña Arango, a doctor with emphasis in Public Health, and Master’s degree in family counseling, “teens are living in a stage in their lives where they require accompaniment from the from their present and loving parents, as well as from teachers who show them interesting and inspiring models that deserve to be copied, which will definitely ease the transition to adult life”.

She suggests:

Take advantage of your child’s dreams to motivate them; this will allow them to progressively build their life project.
Do not take discussions with your teenager personally; it is likely that their anger or rage is not against you.
It is important to be good students, but it is even more important for them to be good people.
Avoid making judgments about their behavior, thinking or reactions, this will facilitate a more open communication.
Ask questions before giving answers, even if you don’t know the response, it will be the beginning of a shared search.
We must be interested in what young people think. It is a generation that was born with the Internet, unlike us; what they don’t understand they get to know it in just one click, but it does not guarantee that they will always find the best answers.

Young people should talk about sex, without taboo, without shame, with the freedom to express and say what they feel without being judged, while also being guided and accepted.

Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés.

family parents sex sons young boys