Sex will always be the dessert we all want to devour; however, filling yourself with expectations can sometimes disappoint you or, simply, you will not enjoy it as you really deserve to.
That is why many times men and women, when they are getting to know each other and want to have a serious and lasting relationship, leave sex for the end to take it easy and enjoy it with all the toys, hopefully sexual ones.
It is not worth getting your hopes up, because the higher your expectations are, the lower the chances that what you imagine will be fulfilled, and the only thing you will achieve is a greater disappointment.
But you should not be discouraged, sometimes not everything goes as expected or planned. Spontaneity will always end up surprising us. The most important thing is to take it with naturalness and good humor; assume any situation that arises with the best of attitudes.
The first time:
Expectation: kisses, caresses, many orgasms, a spectacular night, the perfect framing.
Reality: Being with a new partner for the first time is quite an odyssey, you don’t know when it’s going to happen, you’re looking forward to it and, surely, you are worried about everything being perfect and it ends up being the opposite.
The best: A new opportunity, a fresh start and the chance to keep getting to know each other.
The morning after:
Expectation: After having sex, you sleep all night cuddling, they wake you up with breakfast in bed, a flower and a romantic poem.
Reality: You wake up and they are no longer by your side or they say goodbye with a text message. Calm down, that doesn’t mean they didn’t enjoy or didn’t like it, they simply have to work, study, etc.
The best: Don’t overthink things and rather let everything flow naturally, offer them a coffee and talk to see each other again. Do not force things.
Failed romantic dinner:
Expectation: You book a table at the best restaurant in town, with a wonderful view to have the perfect evening.
Reality: Complicated day at work, there is a traffic jam, one of you gets sick, they cancel your reservation, etc.
The best: To reschedule in a more uncomplicated place or one of you plans an informal dinner at home. It’s not the place, it’s the person.
Sex Marathon:
Expectation: A whole weekend alone to brush up on the Kamasutra.
Reality: Talk, laugh, sex, rests to catch your breath, sleep, eat, sex, etc.
The best: The most important thing is to get to know each other and communicate to know what you like about the other and how you understand each other and create moments of intimacy and complicity in a natural way.
Safe sex:
Expectation: You buy condoms of all colors and flavors for a night of passion and fun.
Reality: They feel uncomfortable because you ask them to use a condom and get upset because you don’t trust them.
The best: Protecting each other is the starting point of any relationship to avoid STIs or unwanted pregnancies; so if they react like that, they are not the one.
Synchronized orgasm:
Expectation: Reaching orgasm together simultaneously, perfectly synchronized in the midst of your soundtrack.
Reality: Although many couples achieve it, it’s not always going to happen and it’s best to stop idealizing orgasms as the only form of arousal.
The best: If it happens, enjoy it but if it doesn’t happen this has nothing to do with being the best or worst lovers, it’s more about understanding what your sexual response is and what your arousal times are, which vary in both men and women.
Confidence:
Expectation: you try many positions, buy sex toys, etc.
Reality: Many couples are disappointed before they meet precisely because they have sex without having the confidence needed to discuss their personal preferences.
The best thing: Communication is key, especially if you don’t like what they propose or vice versa. Sex should be satisfying for both of you and you should talk about it openly even if it is uncomfortable.
As I have always said: Sex is not bad, the bad thing is not having sex and although there are many aspects that are part of sexuality such as chemistry, the coupling of bodies, orgasms, etc. it is also important to take into account other aspects such as being spontaneous, expressing desires, listening to each other to maintain good communication and speak honestly.
As the couple gets to know each other, they will gain confidence, intimacy and complicity, which are key elements in any relationship. Of course, it takes two to tango, so on some occasions, in a consensual way, you must dance to the sound they play or they will not follow your steps.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
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