A study carried out in the 80’s classified people in three groups: Confident people (50%); Anxious people (25%); and Elusive people (25%).
Understanding elusive people as those men and women who cannot commit to any affective relationship.
Now, psychology experts point out that although these behaviors do not correspond to a specific gender, women are generally associated with the label “anxious” and men with “elusive”.
Often, women feel the social pressure to get married in order to stay committed, while men naturally avoid it. So you can imagine what would happen if Lady Anxious and Mr. Elusive met, better not to be around when this bomb goes off.
As time goes by, the more complicated it gets to relate affectively to someone and while some look for a partner with whom to share their life, to form a home, to have children; others continue in the search of that special someone that in the end does not arrive.
Leslie Becker-Phelps, doctor in psychology, in her book “Love: The psychology of attraction”, lists and explains what are the warning signs that indicate that we are facing a man who runs away from commitment:
Intimacy makes them uncomfortable: When a man has a moment of closeness with a woman he is getting to know, he feels intimidated by her feelings and immediately puts distance, of course, he always uses an excuse.
He usually breaks off all communication for several days or walks away for good, because he is terrified when his feelings surface. The mere fact of sharing time with someone he is interested in makes him feel vulnerable and invaded.
The king of ‘hysterics’: Hysterics are an increasingly popular phenomenon in both men and women who promise great erotic experiences, but in the end never make them happen.
This type of man is very prideful and therefore does not like to be exposed. He prefers to be seen as uninterested. Usually, he may feel like calling you but he thinks about it before doing so in order not to appear weak. And if it is you who takes the initiative to seek him out, he will most likely play it cool. His goal is to show you that he is in control of the situation.
Hermetic: He does not talk about his past, nor do you know many details of his life, his family, friends, etc. and even if you both talk for hours, the conversations will always be superficial, nothing in depth. If he has had painful experiences in his life, he will avoid the subject.
Immunity to pain: If at some point he decides to tell you something intimate, whether it is an uncomfortable or painful situation, he will do it with total coldness, without showing emotions. Because it is very difficult for him to show his feelings, and this will create conflicts in your relationship.
He does not have a stable relationship: He claims that he wants to find “love” and finally have a stable and lasting relationship, but the truth is that once the honeymoon stage and falling in love is over, that is, when both show yourselves without filters, he feels uncomfortable, which is what he takes as reason to end the relationship or walk away without giving explanations.
He runs away from problems: He avoids uncomfortable conversations. If you suddenly argue about something and do not make decisions or reach some agreements, the next day he will behave as if nothing had happened and will even take the initiative to do something together to prove to himself that he is the one controlling the relationship.
He uses affection as a reward: It is exhausting to be with such a person because to win his affection, you must avoid making him uncomfortable and always use the right words to avoid offending him. It is practically as if you were walking on eggshells. This situation makes his ego keep inflating, feeling powerful in front of you while you on the other hand, day after day, lose self-confidence.
Super demanding: The checklist of the ideal woman is as complicated as he is and, of course, whenever someone comes along, he himself will be in charge of finding “imperfections” where there are none.
Relationships can be as complicated as their protagonists want them to be, as they say “it takes two to tango”, and if some of these signs confirm that you are with a man who runs away from commitment, think about yourself, and get out of there. Do not invest time and feelings in someone who does not deserve it. Choose you and love yourself #sinrecato.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
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