Lifestyle and genetics have allowed today’s 50’s to look like the new 30’s and it is not only because of the physical appearance; it is really surprising the vitality of both men and women at this stage of life.
Of course, each organism is different, but what is certain is that as long as you have healthy habits such as a balanced diet and a routine that includes sports or physical activity, your sex life will thank you.
The reality is that sex life changes with age. It is not the same to have sex at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 and 70 and more, but it does not mean that the older you get, the worse sex will be; the good news is that for some couples, sex is like fine wine, it gets better with the years.
American sex educator Joan Price comments, “Sex has no expiration date. I know many older adults who say that they have the best sex of their lives because they don’t have a strict definition of what sex is. There are so many options to choose from”.
However, it should not be ignored that after the age of 50, men and women experience many physical, hormonal and psychological changes among which we can mention painful intercourse, vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction and low libido. Add to that medical conditions such as arthritis, back pain, joint pain, hypertension, diabetes, kidney problems, etc.
And although it may not seem easy, experts confirm that almost all problems have a solution, and that a sex life after 50 can be satisfying until you reach old age.
“This is the time to start talking frankly and openly with your partner about your sexual needs and the changes you are experiencing. Otherwise things can get complicated, and relationship problems can silently cloud over,” Price says.
The changes in men and women are different because while men still feel vigorous, their erections are not as firm and testosterone levels begin to decline.
On the other hand, women are entering menopause full of hot flashes, low libido and “discrepancy in desire” in the couple, as Price calls it, which jeopardizes sexual intimacy.
The American gynecologist, Marilyn Jerome, explains that women between 40 and 55 years of age, who had not entered menopause, experienced vaginal atrophy and a marked decrease in sexual activity and, for this, recommends the use of lubricants for sexual intercourse.
In the face of low desire, Price suggests practicing receptive arousal, which consists in pushing physical contact rather than just relying on spontaneous hormonal desire.
“If you allow yourself to enjoy the pleasure, to become physically aroused little by little when you’re touched or through other stimulation, the desire will follow. And this is something you can have all your life”, he adds.
After the age of 60, many men face erection problems, which often causes them to distance themselves from their partners and not show them affection because they do not want to start what they cannot finish, as stated by urologist Abraham Morgentaler, author of the book ‘The Truth About Men and Sex: Intimate Secrets from the Doctor’s Office’.
For the urologist, the most frequent solution is the use of Viagra and its competitors; there are also injectable medications, directly into the penis before having sexual intercourse. The effect of erections, normally, is from 20 minutes to 2 hours. Other options include vacuum devices, surgical procedures, and newer treatments with sonic wave energy and a platelet-rich plasma injectable.
Testosterone deficiency can reduce libido in men starting at age 60. As of 2019, three oral forms of testosterone were approved; until then, treatment consisted of topical injections or creams.
Many couples over 70 years old found satisfying ways to have sex that are very different from what they enjoyed when they were younger.
“If you ask someone in their 70s what they mean by having sex, they will often give examples of sex that don’t involve intercourse. Take the goal of intercourse out of sex and you’ll see that there are lots and lots of ways to give and receive pleasure”, according to Price, who, at 79, writes about sex in older adults.
Likewise, two-thirds of men in their 70s have difficulty with erections, but that doesn’t mean they can’t feel orgasms. “Maybe erections aren’t as firm, but you can have orgasms without an erection, and most men don’t know it”, says urologist Morgentaler.
For some older couples it’s a little uncomfortable to talk about sex because they grew up with so many taboos, but Price says it’s never too late to talk about your sexual needs: “Try to keep the conversation going so you feel comfortable saying, for example: ‘let’s change positions, my knees hurt, let’s try something different’. The couples who have the best sex lives are the ones who have the best conversations”.
There are many ways to be intimate and how long your sex life lasts is up to you, regardless of age. As the years go by, sexual problems naturally arise and each couple will find a way to be satisfied in intimacy at their own pace, without worrying and making use of their experience.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
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