When couples get married, most of them do it in love, and I want to believe that they don’t do it thinking about getting divorced. Although divorce is not pleasant, usually painful and often does not end on good terms, some people see it as the solution.
Today I will talk to you #sinrecato about gray divorce, a phenomenon that has been on the rise in recent years due to cultural and social changes. This term was used in 1980 by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) and consists of the separation of couples who have been together for many years.
In the past, couples married because they wanted to start a family, have children, become stable, or because they felt the social pressure to be like that. Today, couples have more freedom to choose to marry or not and to decide on their emotional stability.
There are some factors that have contributed to the increase in this trend:
More liberal view of marriage: ‘happily ever after’ is not so great in some cases, even if there are children. Every couple has projects in common, but they also have individual projects and, sometimes, circumstances change and begin to blur that future together.
Life expectancy increases: Even though life is more hectic, people live longer than before, they have more time to enjoy their life, even if they are divorced. Therefore, if a person does not feel happy in their marriage, they feel they should not resign themselves; they feel they are still young and can do many things they have given up and want to try to live their life and not stay next to someone they do not love.
Female empowerment: Women have gained more autonomy and are becoming more and more independent occupationally, socially and emotionally. Women often make the decision to divorce, because even when faced with a momentous decision, they feel brave and confident to have an active social life, travel, go out with friends, and while some do not get another partner, others do think about rebuilding their lives.
What they think: Experts confirm that if gentlemen make the decision to divorce it’s because they have another woman. Most of the time this new partner is younger or someone opposite to their current partner. The man is not left alone, even if his partner is the one making the decision to divorce.
Divorce was not an option: It used to not be a possibility and although many see it as a failure in their love life, today it is understood that it is better to be in a relationship when you are happy and not with someone with whom you have nothing in common, you cannot share your fears, concerns or insecurities with and you have no common dreams or mutual support.
The question is then ‘why wait so long to make the decision to divorce?’ Simple, because they have many prejudices, fears, insecurities and time moves forward without realizing it; therefore, there are couples who have been together for a lifetime, live together and share many memories, but no longer feel love; the feeling changed by the affection you feel for a family member.
It is also added that they no longer have those common projects that kept them united and excited and feel that, by being together, life becomes increasingly monotonous and boring.
When older parents want to divorce, some children object because they do not understand their reasons. Experts say this is a rather selfish stance because parents do not need their children’s consent or approval to make decisions. It is important for them to express their point of view on the matter, but they are not the ones who have the last word.
Even though the parties are older adults, it is important to think about it before making the decision to divorce. It is fundamental to analyze the changes that will affect their quality of life. For example, some are accustomed to a lifestyle that they can no longer sustain financially, so by getting divorced, they compensate for that lack of financial stability with the freedom to do and decide what to do with their lives.
Peace of mind is priceless and everyone has to evaluate what is more important and a priority for themselves. At the end, you decide whether to stay unhappy and together or happy and separated.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
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