Ejaculation is the body’s response to an excitatory stimulus, in men’s case is about expelling semen from the testicles (male ejaculation): “Most of the time it is accompanied by pleasure, sometimes is not”, according to Claudia Kösler, psychosexologist and couple therapist, who explains three different ways of ejaculation:
Healthy ejaculation: it occurs during sexual encounters, with or without intercourse. It is characterized because it is accompanied by emotional well-being and quality estimated time.
Premature ejaculation: It occurs before or during a sexual encounter, with any sexual practice and even with little stimulation. It usually causes emotional discomfort after it occurs.
Delayed ejaculation: Occurs during sexual encounters, with any stimulus with prolonged duration, where ejaculation does not always occur.
Although the latter is not very common, some men can control it. It is a technique in which, voluntarily, the man remains without ejaculating as long as possible during the sexual act, lengthening and deepening it. In some cases, he may not even ejaculate at any time, not even when having an orgasm.
According to the therapist, the factors that influence ejaculation are varied: arousal management, emotional management, sexual and erotic knowledge and state of mind.
The therapist points out that there is no universal key to delay ejaculation: “Each person is different and in the end everyone creates their own [method], taking into account certain resources. It is essential to learn to be present, that is, calmly, without rushing, in the body with the respective sensations and emotions to be able to manage arousal, adding to sexual and erotic knowledge”.
And she adds that penetration is not the axis of sexual relations: “It is important to work eroticism in the whole body, not only in the genital area. This way there will be less anxiety when it comes to expressing sexuality”.
The calmer the person is, the more they will be able to control arousal. That is, they will be able to control when to ejaculate. Otherwise, it is like a car without brakes and that is when dysfunction appears. The expert points out that it is important to work from the calm and leave anxiety aside.
There is also talk of some sexual positions that could be a resource to lengthen arousal; however, it depends on each individual, each one knows which sexual position allows delaying ejaculation. Therefore, the expert recommends making a list of positions from those that excite you the most to the least, and pick one.
Experts confirm that one of the worst ways to learn to control sexual arousal is to perform a boring mental task to take pleasure out of the mind. This does not actually help to make sexual intercourse more pleasurable, it is quite the opposite.
The ejaculatory reflex occurs when the person reaches the peak of sexual arousal and for it to occur, some physical and mental factors must be taken into account.
The psychosexologist recommends therapy as a resource to control ejaculation, although some question these methods, the mind plays an important role:
- Exploration of sexual and erotic history, beliefs about sexuality and sex-affective relationships.
- Emotional management through psychoeducation in emotional intelligence, meditation and visualizations.
- Arousal management: conscious breathing, non-coital and non-genital erotic practices alone, and point-of-no-return techniques. For example, stimulate yourself and at the moment you are close to ejaculation stop and repeat to extend as long as possible.
- Sexual and erotic routines as a couple: During the first month, no intercourse or penetration. Depending on the evolution, this guideline can be extended or not; work the erotic of the body through massages, caresses and petting.
- Masturbate a few hours before having sex to try to last longer.
- Pelvic floor or Kegel exercises (see previous columns).
The only way to make this possible is by unlearning. Some men know their body better than others know theirs and with their mind they dominate it; therefore, ejaculation and orgasm do not always occur at the same time, even many men do not ejaculate or have orgasms during sex and that does not mean that they do not enjoy it.
It is time to enjoy sexuality with more freedom, without a script and explore your body, because as the therapist says: “We live in a society that is coitus and genitalist centrist, which complicates the healing of sexual problems or dysfunctions”.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
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