When we meet someone with #sinrecato intentions, whether romantic or sexual at first sight, we’re drawn to something specific; maybe their voice, their appearance, their words. But sometimes we don’t understand what it is, yet we feel that person literally pulling us toward them.
That’s what attraction is all about, that emotion we feel for another person even when we don’t know them well, but still make your heart race, your palms sweat and give you butterflies.
And although attraction can trigger all of the above, there isn’t just one type of attraction, I’ve found that there are many kinds, and, of course, they have certain characteristics that will give you clues to help you tell them apart.
Kristin Davin, who holds a Ph.D. in psychology, is a psychologist who specializes in helping individuals and couples navigate relationship issues and life transitions such as divorce and parenting.
Davin defines attraction as the force that draws us toward another person, sparking feelings of interest, fondness, or desire. The attraction we feel toward someone reflects our personality, values, and lifestyle.
In addition, she states that “it‘s an individual and personal experience, unique to each person. Attraction is not always binary and can change over time. These changes are often influenced by the stage of life the person is in, their priorities at that moment, and their needs and desires. Sometimes, as a person changes and matures, so does their type of attraction toward others”.
As I mentioned, there are different types of attraction, and people can experience them all throughout their lives and even simultaneously.
Attraction can be physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, romantic, or a combination of all of the above. It also depends on your personality and the qualities you look for in another person.
And although attraction is just one aspect of one’s personality, it also gives us an important perspective when choosing a partner. That’s why, according to psychologist Kristin, there are 14 types of attraction:
- Emotional: this is the desire to form an emotional bond with someone with whom, one might say, there’s a mutual understanding. The attraction deepens through conversations in which each person shares their most intimate desires, and both feel emotionally connected.
- Alterous: this is the desire to have a special emotional connection or relationship that is neither entirely platonic nor romantic, but rather something in between. The person seeks emotional closeness and may experience intense feelings, but not of a romantic nature.
- Attachment: this is a type of bond or connection that develops in long-lasting, committed relationships. It can exist with a partner, a family member, or a friend. It’s a deep and meaningful bond between two people and should not be confused with the attachment that develops between a caregiver and a child during upbringing.
- Platonic: A friendship between two people that is neither romantic nor sexual. Your desire to be friends with that person may be based on a shared lifestyle or their personality.
- Intellectual: A fascination with a person’s intelligence. This attraction intensifies when you discuss interesting topics and feel curious about their way of thinking.
- Romantic: describes the interest felt for another person that involves emotional, romantic, physical, sexual, and aesthetic aspects. It’s a desire that involves expressing emotions and engaging in physical and romantic contact.
- Passionate: implies a strong and intense desire for another person. The person can experience deep and emotional feelings toward the other. This can be present at the beginning of a relationship, where passion is at its peak.
- Protective: involves the desire to protect and care for another person. Generally, it refers to caring for a child, a loved one, a friend, or your partner.
- Queerplatonic: is the desire for a close and committed relationship, but not romantic or sexual, with another person of any gender or sexual identity. It goes beyond friendship and it has a defined status and norms.
- Squish: is a platonic crush or non-romantic desire to establish an emotional connection and a relationship with another person. There are feelings of attraction, but without the sexual or romantic aspects. These feelings go beyond friendship or the simple affection felt for a friend.
- Physical: involves a desire for physical contact and connection with another person, but not in a sexual or romantic context. There is physical attraction and a desire to be close to them, which includes touching them and giving and receiving affection. In turn, physical attraction is divided into: intimacy, objective physical attraction, subjective physical attraction, and sensual.
- Emotional intimacy is the desire to be close and emotionally connected. You feel comfortable opening up and sharing your thoughts and feelings, and you can be vulnerable with the other person.
- Objective physical attraction: Your objective view is that this person is attractive, and this doesn’t depend on the opinions of others.
- Subjective physical attraction: Beauty and attractiveness are subjective; each person has their own preferences and finds different qualities attractive.
- Sensual: this is the desire to interact and be close to someone in a non-sexual, yet tactile way. This manifests through physical contact, hugs, or caresses.
- Sexual attraction: this is an intense sexual desire and arousal toward another person, whether or not there is romantic interest. Some people are asexual, meaning they don’t feel typical sexual attraction toward another person.
This, in turn, it’s divided into several categories:
- Lust: this is driven by the desire for gratification. It’s a combination of sexual and physical attraction.
- Objective sexual attraction: this refers to when someone finds another person sexually attractive, even if others don’t.
- Subjective sexual attraction: Your attraction to that person is based on the personal experience you’ve had.
- Romantic: A desire to have a romantic connection with another person. You think about them a lot, about how you might share experiences, you fantasize about them, etc.
- Aesthetical: This involves being drawn to someone because of their physical beauty. A person may find someone “physically attractive,” but this desire doesn’t necessarily imply a desire for a physical, sexual, or romantic connection with that person.
As we can see, the range of possibilities is wide and varied; after all, attraction to another person isn’t black and white, nor does it remain constant over time.
We can feel different kinds of attraction throughout our lives, and it’s also possible to feel attracted to several people at once. After all, forms of attraction change and evolve as you grow and develop personally.
Attraction is a very personal experience, and there’s no “right” way to feel it toward someone. That explains why, after a while, you might stop feeling attracted to someone you were obsessed with.
That’s why it’s important to understand the different types of attraction, because it helps you to figure out how to relate to others and how to be more mindful when choosing friends or a #sinrecato partner.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
