For those of us who are not experts in BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism), but occasionally dabble in it, this column may be of interest, and for those who don’t dare take the step, it may still be information that could be useful at some point.
I’d like to mention that I came across a very particular concept: femdom. It refers to the art of female domination over a submissive partner, who can be of any gender. If the other partner is a woman, it’s known as “lezdom”.
Femdom is the power relationship that exists between the dominatrix or mistress and the slave or submissive, referring to games of domination and submission. Here we are talking about the type of bond that is established and not what is done within it.
Both the dominant and the submissive have their own fantasies, so they also have their own rules for the games they will play, which increases the possibilities and the variety of scenarios.
It’s generally believed that the dominatrix is always the one who leads the game, but in reality, it’s a prior agreement between both parties to have an unforgettable experience and to draw the red lines that they don’t want to cross.
The million-dollar question is: how do you get started with this practice?
Lucía Jiménez, a Spanish sexologist and psychologist, says that it’s not just about buying leather lingerie and a whip, but more importantly, having the right attitude and, of course, being comfortable with this role of domination.
“Femdom is practiced in a context of created safety, which is very different from an everyday situation. It also has to do with everything that excites you, and even if your personality may be more submissive in general, perhaps BDSM inspires you to position yourself as the dominant one”, she explains.
In this case, the mistress, or the dom, is responsible for pushing the sub to the physical and mental limits of their pleasure.
Jiménez recommends choosing one of the games that appeals to you and excites you the most for this practice so that you can learn more about it, watch videos, ask people who practice BDSM, among other things, as this will help you gain confidence in giving orders to your sub.
Femdom offers many possibilities to put into practice. The idea is to fulfill your fantasies in a way that you both feel comfortable and enjoy.
The sexologist suggests a series of games:
Foot worship: This game is usually practiced by people with fetishistic tendencies; that is, they feel sexual desire for parts of the body or objects, such as in this case, feet or heels.
Action: The submissive kisses, licks, massages, cleans, and worships their mistress’s feet.
Spanking: This is where the level goes up because, in this case, the dominatrix must know the areas of the submissive’s body where she should hit and where she should not, because putting things into practice without knowledge can be dangerous.
Action: Spanking is used as punishment if the submissive doesn’t behave as the dominatrix instructs, or as a way to humiliate them.
Orgasm control or edging: The dominatrix plays with the submissive’s levels of arousal, stopping whenever they are about to orgasm, and then continuing to stimulate them.
Action: The mistress controls the submissive’s orgasm and plays with their sexual and genital stimulation, bringing them close to climax and forbidding them from reaching it.
Facesitting: As the name indicates, the dominatrix sits on the submissive’s face.
Action: This is a form of humiliation for the submissive, in which the mistress forces them to orally stimulate her vulva and anus.
Golden shower or pissing: This practice is common among people with a fetish for fluids such as urine.
Action: The dominatrix urinates on the submissive’s face, genitals, or any other agreed-upon part of the body.
Trampling: In this practice, the submissive is stepped on by the mistress. Here, body weight is used to exert more or less pressure.
Action: The person doing the trampling must be aware that there are areas where the same force should not be applied. Both must also determine whether the mistress will wear shoes or not in order to enjoy the different sensations.
Restraints or bondage: Restraints are used as a form of immobilization for genital stimulation, orgasm control, spanking, or any other game.
Action: The submissive is tied up with ropes, handcuffs, wrist cuffs, etc.. Here, both parties set the limits.
Anal penetration or pegging: Some cisgender heterosexual men want to be penetrated anally by their partner, but since there’s a social taboo surrounding this practice, they find the confidence to do it within a BDSM context instead.
Action: With the help of a dildo harness, the mistress punishes or humiliates them.
Chastity control: Just as it sounds, as in the Middle Ages, the submissive is forced to wear a cage for their genitals, which makes it impossible for them to access them on their own.
Action: The idea of this game is to make erection difficult and prevent masturbation and penetration.
The list of games varies according to each person’s tastes and fantasies. What these practices must have in common is that they must be consensual and agreed upon by both parties. However, even if they have agreed, they also have the right to stop at any time.
This is where the safe word comes in, which must be completely out of context, such as ‘bicycle’, ‘stuffed animal’, or ‘skyscraper’. These should be terms that cannot be confused with what is happening in the middle of the game and that immediately stop the action.
If this happens, it indicates that the game has gone too far and it’s time to clarify things, such as why the situation was uncomfortable and what to do or not to do next time.
Any sexual experience between a couple is unique and personal. Each person determines the level, frequency, and games they want to use; the important thing is that there is communication and trust to say #sinrecato what you want and what you don’t want.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
