Being single, more than just a marital status, has become a real odyssey. Some people want to find their ideal partner magically, but it has become increasingly complicated.
Perhaps it’s because people consider an endless list of criteria, such as physical appearance, financial status, career, family situation, social circle, religion, culture, and countless other requirements that have made the search for the ideal partner more difficult.
These days, singles face many fears and insecurities when it comes to socializing. That’s why some alternatives for meeting people in person have been created, such as singles’ mixers where, for a set fee, you can eat, have a drink (the ultimate icebreaker), and chat with new friends in the hope that magic will happen.
Technology is also at the service of singles, who turn to thousands of dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Badoo, OkCupid, Hinge, Meetic, Raya, HER, Grindr, and many others. In my opinion, 80% of these apps are more suited for casual, fleeting flings than for “happily ever after”, though, of course, there are exceptions to the rule.
It’s important to clarify that this phenomenon of singlehood isn’t limited to Barranquilla or Colombia: it happens ALL OVER THE WORLD. Of course, there are countries where the situation is more complicated than in others, because most of the time, the way people interact is shaped by a culture that’s quite distant and cold compared to that warm Latin vibe.
And while it’s true that cultural differences exist, it’s odd to see adults in their mid-20s to mid-30s that are either single, confirmed singles, and ultra-singles who have never dated anyone (man or woman) or who have never kissed or held hands, anywhere in the world. Of course, a lack of experience also makes it harder to find that spark when trying to win someone over.
This phenomenon has created demand, which is why the options are endless. There are even matchmaking services that act as intermediaries to help people find partners, so if you can’t find someone, it’s because you really don’t want to.
Elyakim Kislev, a sociologist and faculty member at the Hebrew University, and author of ‘Happy Singlehood: The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living’, explains singlehood as an identity and argues that “it is increasingly experienced as a social category in its own right, and psychology needs better tools to capture that reality.”
This explains why some single people feel exhausted or marginalized, while others feel socially connected even though they are also single.
In this regard, Kislev asserts that two people can share the same marital status and yet experience singlehood in different ways: counter-normative, peripheral, and central. However, while these aren’t moral labels or fixed categories into which people must fit forever, they do serve as a framework for understanding how singlehood manifests in self-concept and social life.
Contranormative singlehood is experienced when a person is not only aware of being single but also feels socially incorrect, rejected, or judged.
This experience generally intensifies when people desire a partner and also feel family and social pressure, as well as the thousands of voices in their head telling them that even though their single life is good, they need a partner.
When singlehood is a peripheral identity, it doesn’t define the person. In other words, the person enjoys their life and is open to having a partner but is in no rush. As the saying goes, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”
Central singlehood is better understood as saying “I am a single person,” rather than “I am single right now.” For some people, being in a relationship is not the default aspiration, and singlehood is not a waiting room.
“Singlehood as an identity doesn’t claim that being single is always easy or always empowering, and it certainly doesn’t imply that wanting to be in a relationship is wrong. It’s a simpler, more human perspective,” concludes Kislev.
From my own experience, I can only say that my time as a single person was less complicated because I had the opportunity to meet many princes and a few frogs, and I was able to take my time, without rushing, to choose who I wanted to start a family with.
If you’re reading this column and are still single, enjoy your single life with your family, your friends, and, above all, yourself. See it as a time to build your future, by studying, working, traveling, saving, and, most importantly, enjoying your own company.
People say that if you are lonely when you are alone, then you are in bad company. That’s why you should allow yourself to get to know yourself so that the person who will eventually come into your life can do the same #sinrecato
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
