Modernity has allowed people to be more open about their sexuality, however, even though there is greater freedom of expression, things like taboos, prejudices, and extremes still persist.
This is because while some view sex as a priority in their lives, for others it’s simply an activity they “engage in” from time to time under special circumstances.
Spanish sexologist and psychologist Arola Poch, a specialist in sex education for young people and in all matters related to fetishes and alternative sexualities, explains the concept:
“Asexuality refers to people who don’t feel sexual attraction toward others or who only experience it under certain circumstances. It’s described as a spectrum because under the primary orientation, which is feeling no sexual attraction toward anyone, secondary orientations are included in which the emergence of attraction is conditioned by the existence of specific situations”.
It’s estimated that 1% of the population is asexual, which means there are more than 78 million people worldwide who are. Since it’s a little-known sexual orientation with few benchmarks, many people take time to label themselves as such.
Dr. Arola explains us #sinrecato how to tell if you’re asexual:
- You don’t feel sexual attraction toward other people, and this has been a constant in your life.
- For you to feel attracted to someone, specific conditions must be met.
- You feel pressured to enjoy sex.
- You enjoy sex under certain conditions.
- You appreciate people’s physical attractiveness, but that alone doesn’t spark any sexual interest from your end.
- You have sexual desire, but you don’t direct it toward other people.
- You think sex is great, but you have no interest in having sex.
- You don’t think about sex often, and there are many other things you’d rather do than have sex with other people.
To give a sense of what asexuality entails, experts confirm that there are many sub-orientations within this spectrum:
- Demisexuality: Sexual attraction arises when there is a prior significant emotional bond. It’s the most common orientation within asexuality.
- Fraysexuality: This is the opposite of the previous one. Here, when the emotional bond appears, sexual attraction disappears.
- Cupiosexuality: There is no sexual attraction, but the person does desire or enjoy having sex.
- Aegosexuality: They feel no attraction or desire to have sex with others, however, they do have fantasies, watch porn, and masturbate, but they just don’t feel like sharing that with anyone else.
- Reciprosexuality: Sexual attraction is felt toward someone when that person reciprocates it, meaning, when it’s mutual.
- Aceflux: People who are asexual but experience moments of sexual attraction.
And the list goes on, that’s why sexuality cannot be viewed solely in black-and-white terms. We must remember that it also has a gray area with many shades in between, such as those described above, which are known as graysexuality.
Asexuality is often misunderstood because it’s believed that asexual people have no sex life. However, the reality is that, although asexuals lack sexual attraction, they do experience desire, that is, they feel the need and urge to masturbate alone.
Let’s clarify something: Sexual attraction is when you find someone sexually appealing and, therefore, would like to have sex with them, whereas sexual desire is the motivation to engage in sexual activity, but not necessarily with another person.
It’s worth noting that asexuals don’t have any phobias, traumas, or repressive beliefs regarding sex. They have no issues with their sexuality. They don’t feel rejection, hatred, or fear toward relationships; it’s simply that, in some cases, it’s something they aren’t interested in engaging in.
It shouldn’t be confused with celibacy or sexual abstinence, because in those cases, the decision not to have sex is made for religious reasons, even though sexual attraction to others is there.
Asexuality is an orientation just like heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality. It’s not a disorder and it doesn’t require any kind of treatment.
And although they aren’t sexually attracted to others, they are attracted to them romantically, emotionally, and intellectually. In fact, many asexuals are in relationships and decide whether or not to have sex; this is why it’s very important to discuss something as basic as sexual orientation during the early stages of a relationship, to avoid conflicts in the future.
This orientation may sound a bit unusual to some, but at the end of the day, it’s nothing more than the #sinrecato lifestyle that millions of people live, and if it works for them, why should it bother us?
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
