A few days ago, I was talking with a friend, and he told me about the pressure men face regarding their sexual performance with things like penis size, how good a lover he is, whether he’s good in bed, how long he lasts, and so on. To be honest, I had no idea how much they were keeping to themselves.
So I decided to write this column because, without downplaying the fears men face, it seems very strange that they might have low sex drive, since society believes that men think about sex ALL the time, and it’s surprising when they DON’T take the initiative and show little interest in sex in general.
To illustrate this better, psychologist and sexologist Rosa Navarro Sánchez explains how sexual desire works in people with penises:
“Within the human sexual response there is a phase called ‘desire,’ which consists of a series of sensations that motivate us to seek out or be receptive to sexual experiences,” she explains.
She adds that there are many stimuli that can trigger desire, such as skin-to-skin contact with another person, recalling a specific sexual encounter, or witnessing a situation you find erotic, basically, the list is endless.
The expert also reminds us that sexual desire is something unique, because what turns you on might make someone else completely dry; we don’t all experience it the same way. However, the thing is that it’s very difficult to admit that you DON’T feel like having sex, since that’s something that could lead to conflict with your partner.
That’s why most people look for ways to avoid or sidestep having sex, and that’s when they come up with excuses like being tired, or even provoking arguments and creating tension to foster an atmosphere that’s as unsexy as possible to ensure there’s not the slightest chance of reigniting the flame of passion.
That’s why, if you feel your desire has decreased, it’s very important to consult a professional to identify the root of the problem. According to experts, the possible causes of low libido can be physical or psychological:
Physical causes include hormonal imbalances and chronic conditions such as hypothyroidism, kidney failure, and diabetes; the use of psychoactive drugs and alcohol; and side effects of medications such as antidepressants, blood pressure medications, or anti-anxiety drugs.
On the other hand, psychological causes include issues such as relationship problems, stress and anxiety, monotony, laziness, repressive sex education, changes in sexual roles, social pressure, and other sexual dysfunctions.
The important thing is that there is a treatment, because if you don’t address your low sex drive, it can end up interfering with other phases of the sexual response. So don’t worry, it’s something that can be improved and resolved.
If this happens, consult a doctor you trust so they can help you identify the cause of your low sex drive and explore possible treatment options. Always check. Maybe what you need is psychological support, testosterone supplementation, or perhaps just an adjustment to the dose of a medication you’re taking.
Spanish psychologist Rosa Navarro also suggests the following:
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Sex education: You may view sexuality in a negative light, but the good news is that what you’ve learned can be unlearned. Seek out sex education materials with a positive approach that will give you a better perspective on sexuality.
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Learn to manage stress and worries: Use techniques and activities to reduce stress, such as learning to say NO, practicing relaxation and meditation techniques, doing yoga, going for walks, or trying crafts (knitting, sewing, painting, pottery).
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Vary some of your sexual habits: Step out of your comfort zone in your sex life and start with small changes in how you interact with your partner to break out of the routine, change where you have sex, explore new sexual practices, etc.
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Assertive communication with your partner: Talk #sinrecato with your partner and reach agreements. It’s essential to be on the same page so you don’t feel guilty about not initiating sex and to prevent your partner from feeling rejected.
We can all experience a sudden drop in desire, and the truth is that it won’t magically get better on its own, so have the confidence to talk about it with your partner. You don’t have to go through this situation alone, you can always seek professional help to figure out the source of your concerns.
Don’t panic, take a deep breath, evaluate your options, and take action to have a more mindful, safe, and pleasurable sex life.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
