Today we’ll talk #sinrecato about self-esteem, a concept that has gained more prominence in recent times due to its importance for people’s mental and physical health.
However, something not everyone knows is that a person’s confidence and self-assurance, along with high self-esteem, are factors that positively influence sexuality.
“Sexual self-esteem directly influences your sexual relationships and your ability to enjoy them or not. Depending on whether your self-esteem is high or low, it can influence your thoughts, and these, in turn, affect your level of satisfaction,” says Sonia Encinas, a Spanish psychologist and sexologist.
We understand self-esteem to be the overall assessment we have of ourselves, but when we talk about sexual self-esteem, we’re referring to the assessment we have regarding various sexual issues, such as: What is your sexual behavior like?, How comfortable are you with your body?, How do you think others perceive you?, among other things.
According to expert Encinas, sexual self-esteem is what helps you feel more desirable and gives you the confidence to enjoy your sexuality and achieve greater satisfaction in your relationships.
Now here’s the thing, having high sexual self-esteem doesn’t mean you won’t experience moments of insecurity in certain situations, such as when trying a new position, having a new sexual partner, or using a new sex toy. Feeling this way is more common than it seems.
Some people fear that their knowledge isn’t broad enough when it comes to sex or that they lack the experience needed to enjoy themselves or give pleasure to their partner.
Another issue highlighted by the expert that can lead to insecurity and low sexual self-esteem is related to physical appearance, especially for women, when people prefer to have sex with the lights off, not take all their clothes off, or avoid changing positions. These are signs that the person doesn’t feel 100 percent comfortable with their body around others.
“We often judge ourselves very harshly and are our own worst critics. The positive side is that this can help you accept yourself if the criticism is constructive, but it can be harmful if what you feel is shame and you stop doing things to avoid revealing your insecurities,” says psychologist and sexologist Sonia.
If you’ve ever experienced low self-esteem without realizing it, here are a few recurring thoughts that confirm it. They might be going through your head and sabotaging your sex life:
- They aren’t going to like what I’m doing to them/they don’t like what I’m doing.
- I’m not attractive enough for them to want me.
- I’m not that good in bed.
- They definitely won’t want to see me again after this.
- They’re definitely not having a good time with me.
And although these negative thoughts may be recurring and torment you, the good news is that there are ways to regain confidence, self-assurance, and self-esteem to improve this situation.
Write this down, because our expert suggests 10 recommendations to boost your self-perception:
- You are your priority: Value yourself. It’s not easy to admit, but you can start by understanding that you are the most important person in your life. Every step, no matter how small it may seem, is a big step toward improving your self-esteem.
- A list of good things: Write a list of all the good things you have, both inside and out. Everything is important, and it all adds up.
- Set realistic goals: Choose goals you can achieve, and if you don’t succeed, keep trying as many times as necessary until you get the result you want.
- Learn about and experiment with your body: Read, educate yourself, and learn about sexuality. Explore your body to discover what you like, what you don’t like, and how you like it.
- Don’t compare yourself to others: We’re all different, unique, and special, and even more so when it comes to sexuality. So don’t compare yourself to anyone else, just to yourself.
- Fulfill your desires: Don’t feel ashamed or afraid, and certainly don’t worry about what others might say. If you want to try something new or are curious about using a sex toy, go for it. And if you have a partner, talk to them about it so you’re both on the same page.
Practice constructive self-criticism: We’re not perfect, and there are things about ourselves we don’t like, so don’t get frustrated or tear yourself down, on the contrary, there’s always room for improvement.- Say yes to everything that makes you feel good: Put on that lingerie that makes you feel sexy, or listen to that song that transports you to erotic moments. Embrace EVERYTHING that does you good.
- Say NO to anything that makes you feel bad: Stay away from what makes you uncomfortable or causes you harm. Learn to say NO, this rule applies not only to sex but to EVERYTHING in life.
- In case of emergency, break glass: If you’ve tried all these recommendations but they aren’t enough, seek help from a professional who can teach you how to overcome your insecurities and fears.
As the well-known saying in Spanish goes: “Don’t place the candle so close to the saint that you burn it, or so far away that it can’t be seen.” The point here isn’t to be a sex guru, but to be curious, creative, open-minded, spontaneous, and, above all, #sinrecato enough to have high sexual self-esteem.
Keep in mind that to have great sex, you have to be in the right frame of mind, and that’s a process that starts with you.
Traducción del español: Catalina Oviedo Brugés
